My Journey Begins - May 16, 2012

I've never been "thin".  But I never thought I was obese.  I was wrong...

For years I worked jobs that required me to be on my feet all day long and I maintained my weight.  Then 15 years ago I decided to go to school to get a "desk job".  I've been a paralegal for 13 years and I love my job.  But it is a very inactive profession.  Don't get me wrong.  I exercise my brain all day long.  My body, not so much.  So over the past 13-15 years, as I've increased my legal knowledge, I have also increased my BMI.

I've never been defined by my weight or how I looked.  I'm defined by who I am, Who I believe in, my family and my work.  But guess what?  When you abuse your body and pile the pounds on, it rebels.  And mine has started.  My knees hurt.  My feet hurt.  I'm short of breath.  I'm inactive and tired all the time.  And the worst part....when I think of doing an activity with my family - amusement park, trip, sight-seeing, car trip, airplane ride, hike or any type of physical activity, my first thoughts are.....do they have a weight limit, will I fit and can I stand the physical activity?  Not very good thoughts when you are only 39 years old.

I never thought I ate all the time.  But I did know that I ate the wrong things and that I was very inactive.  So what to do?  Join Weight Watchers again?  Restrict myself?  Find a diet buddy?  Wire my jaws shut?  Give up?  Trust me.  You think it all.  You wonder how in the world you got to 354.2 pounds and didn't stop the train!!!!

So I decided to go see Dr. McKewen and hear about LapBand surgery.  Now I know that gastric restriction surgeries are controversial at best.  Some people are all for it and some people are hugely against it.  Well, all I want to say is, this has to be a personal decision.  And if you know someone who has reached the point that they are looking at this option, you shouldn't be a nay-sayer.  Trust me, they will hear ALL the pros AND cons.  And trust me, your overweight friend has been wrestling with this for a while.  This is NOT the "easy way out".  This is their LIFE we are talking about. And the option to extend and better that life.  I personally have an 8 year old daughter and she is MY WORLD.  However, if I continue to live this life getting heavier and heavier; or even if I continue to live at 354.2 lbs, I most likely will not be here to shop for her wedding dress.  I won't get to see her children born and I definitely won't be here to support her as she lives her life in this crazy world.  And I want to be here.  For her.  For me.  For the people who love me and the people who will in the future.

I hate surgery.  But I'm pretty sure that death is much less appealing (right now anyway).  But I'm going to this informational meeting and I'm keeping an open mind.

This surgery appeals to me because it is fairly less-invasive than other surgeries.  They go in laparoscopically and insert a soft inflatable collar around the top portion of your stomach to create a funnel affect.  It makes you feel fuller with less food, increases the digestive process and slows the movement of the food through your system.  So, no more inhaling food and waiting for it to hit the bottom of your stomach.  They adjust the collar with saline through a port inserted into your abdominal wall and accessed by a syringe.  And it is removable - if you reach a point in your life where you would rather not have it.

I like what I'm hearing.  It sounds like a doable option for me and my life and I've convinced myself that I can withstand the surgery.  So I make an appointment to see Dr. McKewen to discuss the options and insurance and we'll go from there.  And I take my official BEFORE pictures.  Wow, is that really me????